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7x20 Artic - May 15, 2008 8/7c
LEX DISCOVERS CLARK'S SECRET — Kara (Laura Vandervoort) tells Lex (Michael Rosenbaum) he is destined to defeat the Traveler and offers to take him to the Fortress to learn how. Clark (Tom Welling) is stunned that Kara would go to Lex but it is revealed that Brainiac is impersonating Kara and she's actually trapped in the Phantom Zone. Chloe is arrested by the Department of Domestic Security and Lana awakens from her comatose state. Meanwhile, in an epic turn of events, Clark and Lex face off in the Fortress and Lex learns Clark's secret. Erica Durance and Aaron Ashmore also star.

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Lois: Clark. Look, I'm not great at this so just keep your mouth shut and listen up. Even though I was kicking butt on the helicopter, it was really nice to have backup, and you didn't have to come after me but you always do, so I wanted to say thank you. You're a really good friend. Oh, and about the Lap dance. If you decide to tell anyone about it, your Elmer Fud nightlight will make a very public apperance.
Clark: Aye Aye, Sailor.
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Reviews

4:16 Lucy Review

By Zoomway


lucy

Last week we were in Shanghai, China and this week the episode opened in St. Moritz, Switzerland with someone on skis being chased by others on skis. This scene was rather lavishly filmed and well done, but It's hard to know who to root for when the pursued and the pursuers are left unidentified.

It turned out that the one being chased was Lucy Lane, Lois Lane's little sister. We know that because just after outwitting her pursuers, she got on her cell phone and called Lois to inform her that she'd be dropping by. Trivia note: Lois' cell phone plays Reveille.

Later that morning (Lucy phoned at 3:00 AM) Lois became the picture of domestic harmony. I say the "picture of" since her ability to cook was on a par with L&C's version of Lois. She served up a platter of pale tattered pancakes and a pan of Cajun blackened bacon.

Clark suspected an ulterior motive. "You want something."

"No, it's called being nice."

"Yeah, well if you were any nicer, we'd starve."

Martha gave her son a reproving look. "Clark."

Lois threw in the towel. "He's right, Mrs. Kent. You guys have been so good to me already, it's kind of hard to ask for yet another favor, but ..."

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Enter Lucy Lane. Even Shelby (remember Krypto?) seems glad to see her and not a hint of a sneeze from Lucy. She seemed to be a charmer, which is subtly different from someone who is charming, but I'll get to that later.

Lucy said she'd be willing to sleep in the barn, but Clark suggested Lois sleep in the barn instead. Jonathan stepped forward and said no one had to stay in the barn and Martha added that Lucy could stay in Lois' room, which is really Clark's room.

"So, Lucy," Clark said, "Lois has told us absolutely nothing about you."

Lucy shrugged. "There's nothing much to tell."

"Oh, please," Lois said, "let me gloat. She gets straight A's in one of the most prestigious prep schools in Europe, she is fluent in three languages and she is fending off Ivy League colleges with a stick."

"Impressive," Clark said and turned to Lucy. "What happened to Lois?"

Lois narrowed her eyes. "You're gonna find Clark's charm is an acquired taste much like his sense of fashion."

Lucy took notice of the 'thing' between her sister and Clark. "Well, thanks for letting me stay. I don't know how I'm going to repay you."

"Well, just tell me plenty of embarrassing stories about Lois."

Lois laughed. "Funny guy," she said and punched Clark in the shoulder.

Lucy excused herself to take a shower, but as she turned to leave Lois asked, "are you sure everything's okay?"

"Now that I'm here with you it's perfect."

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To bog things down we switch to the Mush Twins. Lana and Jason hurried up the stairs to her (their?) apartment. Apparently they'd been out jogging together. "You cheated on that last stretch, young lady."

"I only offered you a kiss, I didn't think you'd fall for it." Giggle. Giggle.

However, as always is the case with Lana, a black cloud followed her brief ray of light. As they entered the apartment, it was clear that it had been ransacked. They did a quick check of valuables, which all seemed to be there. "Okay, then if nothing valuable is missing, then what ...?"

"The stone," Lana said and they both ran to the place they had apparently stashed it, but the cupboard was bare.

"Who else could have known it was here?" Jason asked.

"I don't know."

"Well, no one saw me take it in China."

"Maybe Lex or Lionel figured it out."

"Or Clark. I mean you always said there was a side to him that you never really knew."

Then. inexplicably, Lana said, "I don't care who did this, Jason. I don't care about these stones. I just want to forget they ever existed!"

Keep in mind that just last week Lana said that she felt maybe the only way she could be free of Isobel (the witch she's possessed by) is if she got all three stones and united them. Suddenly she doesn't care?

Jason, looking just as confused as the audience, said, "Lana, this isn't some bad dream you can just blink away. It's real life (snicker). We have to find that stone."

"No we don't," Lana said and her tone started to get real soapy. "Jason, our relationship has become more about chasing artifacts than about you and me and that isn't a relationship."

Jason looked on as if Lana had completely lost her mind. Perhaps he knew what she was going to say next.

"Remember when our biggest problem was trying to find a place to steal a kiss?"

That was their biggest problem? Not that she had been zapped by magical light and branded with a tattoo? Not that she's possessed by a witch? Not that she was a student dating a member of the faculty?

"There's no reason we can't go back to those days (that never existed)," Lana said. "Without worrying about break-ins and artifacts and the Luthors and Clark Kent."

"You're right," Jason said, because Lana is always right. "Whoever took the stone can just keep it and we'll just concentrate on the only thing that truly matters -- us." Darn, I hoped he was going to say a continuity bible.

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Lucy, the golden girl, entered the barn carrying a pail of milk. She learned to milk cows when she spent time on a friend's farm in the Swiss countryside. Clark said, "You really didn't have to do that," but Lucy replied, "I figured if I'm going to be staying here, I should pull my own weight."

At this point Lucy seemed to be the antithesis of her older sister. An exemplary student, polite, helpful and earnest. Clark, like everyone else, found her charming.

Lois entered the barn and while there seemed to be a flash of jealousy upon seeing Lucy and Clark together, it became clear later that other emotions were at work. Lois told Lucy to change because Chloe would be giving her a tour of Smallville because "I'm going to work."

Clark seemed amused. "Since when do you work?"

"Since today. I'm helping your mom out at the Talon."

As Lucy departed Lois told Clark not to let the flirting go to his head. "She goes to an all-girl school. You're probably the first guy she's talked to in months."

"Lois, I don't want you to get the wrong idea, but ever since Lucy came to town, you've been grumpier than normal. Are you not happy to see your sister?"

"Of course, I am, but there's a thing with sisters. You can love them without really liking them."

"You don't like your own sister?"

This scene turns into background exposition on Lois' life. "More like she's not too crazy about me. Not that I blame her."

"Look, you might be a little rough around the edges," Clark said, "but as far as sisters go, Lucy could do a lot worse."

"Thanks for the ringing endorsement," Lois replied then seemed to switch to an attitude of resolve. It was if she decided at that moment to confide in Clark. "When my mother died, my dad had two girls he didn't know how to deal with, so he did what every good military leader would do, he instituted a chain of command. I reported to him and ..."

"And Lucy reported to you."

"Yeah. It took sibling rivalry to a whole new level. I had to make sure she had three square meals, got to school, did her homework ..."

"You became her mother."

"Yeah, but I was not prepared. I used to give her advice like 'don't kiss a boy or you're going to get pregnant' and yeah, maybe she had a few more chores than most kids."

"Is that why she decided to go to boarding school?"

Lois found the question amusing. "Unlike your family, there was no discussion. When the General gives an order, you're expected to carry it out."

"Sounds kind of harsh."

"Trust me, Lucy got the better end of the deal," Lois said, but quickly added, "don't get me wrong, she totally deserves it. I just guess there was a part of me that was jealous she got out and I didn't."

There was an awkward silence as Clark considered what Lois had said and Lois seemed to snap out of the magical spell that seemed to make her confess something so personal to Clark. "I gotta get to work," she said, a befuddled expression on her face, and departed.

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Then we get another jarring continuity glitch at the Talon. Last week Clark was barely civil to Lex, but in this episode you'd almost swear it was first season again. "Two Lanes under one roof," Lex said cheerfully. "That's got to be interesting."

"Well," Clark replied, "I haven't had a shower in two days. The laundry machine (washing machine?) has been running nonstop, the phone line is consistently (constantly?) busy ... no," he relented, "it's nice having them around. It kind of takes the loneliness out of the house."

I know that sounds nit-picky over the word choices, but 'consistently' is more about being in agreement, uniform, steady and dependable. While 'constantly' means continually occurring, persistent. That would have been the better word. And 'laundry machine' sounds like a coin-operated washer at a Laundromat.

Lex smiled. "Yeah, I always hated the sound of a quiet home." I'm not sure if Lex was being sincere or sarcastic.

Chloe, the tour guide, arrived with Lucy. Chloe talked about discovering some of Lucy's hidden talents. "She was a violinist for the Zurich Youth Orchestra."

"It was nothing," Lucy said, "it was just a hobby."

Lex was impressed. "Given the reputation in Europe, I highly doubt that."

"Oh, sorry, Lucy," Clark said, shaking off the newest stunning tidbit about Lois' sister. "This is ..."

"Lex Luthor," she filled in the blank. "I read your profile in Fortune Magazine a couple of months ago. I thought your theories on American business were very interesting."

A stunned exchange of glances went from Chloe to Lex to Clark. "I'd be curious to know what you think of my piano skills," Lex said, one more person obviously charmed by Lucy. "Drop by the mansion. I'd love to play with a serious musician." Do people who live in mansions refer to them as mansions?

At that point, Lois, the supreme underachiever, dropped a tray of dishes and one of the men who had been chasing Lucy on the ski slopes of St. Moritz, stepped into the Talon. Clark noticed. "Lucy, who's that guy staring at you?" But when Lucy turned around, he was gone.

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Jason burst in on Lionel because they never lock a door at stately Luthor manor no matter what time of day or night. He accused Lionel of stealing the stone and when Lionel behaved too complacent in his denials, Jason squelched him against the wall, telling him things would get ugly if he didn't give the stone back, or at least convince him that he didn't take it.

Lana, also incapable of knocking, entered the room. Tears glistened in her eyes because Jason believed what she said last week when she wanted the stones instead of believing her this week when she said she didn't want them.

I think we were supposed to have an "Oh, he's so busted" reaction, but considering Lana followed him deliberately without giving him the benefit of the doubt, it spoke more of her lack of character than his. In truth, had Clark taken the stone and found it missing, he'd have done the same thing to Lionel.

It can't even be argued that Clark has some special entitlement to the stones in the eyes of the others because none of them know Clark is after them.

I'm sure all of this is leading up to the grand finale this season. Lana and Jason will part company so that Clark can be back in the running for the Lana Boyfriend Nationals. It was one thing having Lana slobbering on Jason and being a nauseating couple on the sidelines, but quite another when it's Clark and we can no longer escape the slobber festival since Clark is the main character. It could get gruesome.

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Lucy snuck out of the house and broke into the Talon and into the cash drawer. Clark had followed her and then Lucy went into a sob story about owing 50 grand to a loan shark. Why all that money? Well, Lucy said it was to keep up with the Joneses, or maybe the Duponts. All the kids at her boarding school were wealthy and she felt like such an outcast not being able to travel in the same rarefied circles. It's a good thing Lucy is a violin virtuoso because that story deserved a solo rendition of Hearts and Flowers.

"Lucy, look, we have to tell your father about this."

"No, I can't. The General thinks I'm the embodiment of the perfect daughter."

"We at least have to tell Lois."

"I don't want to disappoint her."

"She's your sister, she'll understand."

A sad flute began to play and Lucy said she'd just go on the run again. Clark persuaded her to stay and said he'd find some way to help. That 'some way' was Chloe. She found the name of the loan shark (Marcus Becker) on her magic computer and that he had committed a string of felonies.

Clark sighed. "I wish she'd tell Lois."

"She doesn't have to," Lois said as she entered the Talon. She then said she'd hunt down Becker and have a little 'talk' with him. Chloe stopped her and reminded Lois that Becker wasn't just some schoolyard bully. He was dangerous.

"Seriously, she is in trouble," Clark added, "but I think I know someone who can help."

That 'someone' would be Lex, of course.

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Lex Luthor, Clark's good buddy one episode and barely tolerated acquaintance the next, was playing piano as Lucy accompanied him on violin. Clark and Lois barged in to provide the libretto. Inspired by Hamlet, Carmen and Gilligan's Island, Lois burst into song (sung to the tune of the Toreador song):

Neither a borrower nor a lender be Do not forget: Stay out of debt Think twice, and take this good advice from me Guard that old solvency! There's just one other thing you ought to do To thine own self be true!

Alas, the aria fell on deaf ears. Lucy insisted she was not there to beg the money from Lex, which I assume is what Clark planned to do anyway. However, after hearing that Marcus Becker, part of a German crime syndicate that has been blocking Lex's attempts to put up a hotel in Zurich, Lex agreed to supply the 50,000 in bearer bonds.

He, Lucy and Lois (a hat trick of double L's) got into his Mercedes to drive to the drop-off point. However, they were pulled over by a state trooper who turned out to be Becker. He instructed Lex to take the bonds out of the case (which had a global satellite tracker inside) and put the money in a bag. He then clobbered Lex and took off in Lex's car with the bonds, and Lois and Lucy as hostages.

Meanwhile, Clark whooshed to the abandoned warehouse where the drop-off was to take place only to find it was some type of garment factory. He then found Lex bleeding in the street next to the abandoned police car.

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Lucy, Lois and the Mercedes were locked inside the trailer of an 18-wheeler rig. "We are totally and utterly screwed," Lucy said.

"Let's not jump to conclusions here," Lois countered angrily. "I have a history of getting us out of jams that you've gotten us into. I'll think of something."

That comment by itself was revealing. Could it be Lois missed classes her last semester of high school trying to get Lucy out of yet another a jam?

Becker entered the trailer and Lois confronted him. "I don't get it. You got your money. Why don't you just go back home, eat some Swiss cheese and live happily ever after? You don't need us."

"But I do," he replied. "The Luthor well has just been tapped. I'm here to strike it rich."

Lucy rushed forward. "You son of bitch, you're holding us for ransom!"

"Lucy, zip it," Lois cautioned.

"Let my sister go. You don't need both of us."

"Sure I do. A pair of Lanes definitely ups the ante."

"The world would be a whole lot worse without her in it than me, right?" Lois asked. "She's the one with the future ... if she'd only learn to behave herself."

This could qualify as worm-eating dialogue, a favorite meal on Smallville, however the line was delivered matter-of-factly. No hint of self-pity or envy. Lois seemed to assess the situation in a manner similar to her father's military approach -- sacrifice the expendable soldier. She clearly sees herself as the less valuable of the two. Of course part of the dialogue was to serve as foreshadowing since Lois becomes the one with the big future, not Lucy, but it works better as character insight rather than heavy-handed irony.

Becker tossed them a bag of hamburgers. "The one with the sticker is the one without tomatoes," he said and left the trailer.

Lois suddenly wheeled around. "Lucy!"

"Yeah?"

"How did he know you don't like tomatoes?"

Lucy explained it (her plan with Becker) wasn't supposed to go this far and apologized.

Lois became angry. "Well sorry isn't good enough. I want to know why you turned to a life of crime when you had everything going for you? You're as close to freaking perfect as it gets."

Lucy became tearful. "Because that's what the General always wanted, but I just went along and played the part. From the day I left for school, all I ever wanted was to go home."

"Why didn't you tell the General that?"

"How could I?" Lucy asked, still tearful. "It was clear he didn't want me around. He wanted you."

Lois was flabbergasted. "What are you talking about?"

"Why do you think he sent me of to school after Mom died?"

"He sent you off to school because you were brilliant and you deserved the best education available."

"Well, you can think what you want, but the fact is, I always envied you."

"Me?" Lois asked, her tone incredulous. "I was being dragged around the world like a spare piece of luggage."

"Yeah, but you had something I never had."

"What?"

"You had Dad."

Lois shook her head. "Luce," she said, her tone finally softening, "I don't think either of us ever had Dad."

This bit of character insight was unusual on Smallville, which tends to take sibling rivalry to Dynasty soap opera levels with the Luthors.

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Clark, unannounced like everyone else, entered the mansion and told Lex that Lucy was running a con. He said there was no warehouse and she knew about the GPS (tracking device) in the case. Lex countered that Becker was a pro and would probably expect something like that.

Clark shook his head. "It was all part of her bigger plan. The way she accidentally woke me up on her way to steal from the Talon. She knew I'd catch her in the act. Her sob story about not being able to fit in at school to win my sympathies and knowing that I'd come to you for the money."

It's nice to know that Clark is now famous even in Switzerland for being a sucker for sob stories about not fitting in.

"She played us like a Stradivarius," Lex said, but with a hint of admiration in his voice.

"What I don't understand is why abduct Lois?" Clark asked. "I know it's a con, but why kidnap your own sister?"

"They say sibling rivalries run deep."

This is where Lex should have reminded Clark and the entire audience of his half-brother Lucas. Remember him? Don't feel bad, the writers didn't either.

A woman entered and said that Becker was on the phone and Clark did some super eavesdropping. "Place 500,000 in bearer bonds..." blah blah blah.

Clark whooshed to the location, leaped on the truck, gave Becker an Indiana Jones punch through the window, stopped the truck and then whooshed away just before Lex and his security team arrived.

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Lex asked Lois how she was feeling.

"Well, I have a newfound appreciation for seat belts, I can tell ya that."

I should explain here that while the truck was temporarily out of control after Clark slugged the driver, Lucy and Lois were being slammed back and forth against the walls like crew members of the Enterprise during the Corbomite Maneuver episode.

"What are you going to do with my sister?" Lois asked as Lex's car was offloaded from the trailer.

"I don't have a choice. I have to notify the authorities."

Suddenly there was the roar of an engine and Lucy came barreling up in Lex's Mercedes. She mouthed 'sorry' (I think) to Lois and sped off.

The next day Lex showed up at the Kent farm while Clark was moving a saddle. I guess it was a stand-in for the ubiquitous hay bales he's usually moving, but where's the horse? Is Whitney's horse still there?

Clark asked if Lucy had been found. Lex said no, but his Mercedes was recovered, but minus the 50,000 in bearer bonds.

This is where I have to go back to the opening sequence of the episode. If Lucy was in cahoots with Becker from the beginning, why was he chasing her in the first place? I'll just have to assume she made some deal with him after the ski chase and before she double-crossed him by running off with the money.

"Lex, I know Lois feels really badly about this, but there's really no way she can ..."

"Clark, I'm not here to collect. Besides, having Becker in custody is worth a lot more to me than 50 grand."

"Your deal in Zurich." Clark nodded. "Well, I'm glad someone came out of this ahead."

"So how's Lois?"

"I don't know. She hasn't said anything all day, but I don't know why Lucy would run away. I mean Lois is her family."

Okay, this is being said by the guy who ran away to Metropolis and committed felonies and didn't care how much his family suffered? Oh, that's right, the red kryptonite ring he was able take off any time he wanted was to blame.

"Just because you have the same blood running through your veins doesn't make you family," Lex countered. "Look at us, Clark. I'm the product of my father's breeding. He needed an heir (see, we're back to Dynasty dynamics). But your parents chose you out of love. I'd take your family any day of the week."

"Lex, do you ever miss not having a sibling?"

I'll skip the odd phrasing and move on to Lex's response. "I used to till I met you, Clark. You're closer to me than any blood brother." Is this line ironic?

Again, no mention of Lucas, though I guess he was introduced to Lex belatedly, but it's the memory of Julian that seemed to make Clark's question insensitive. That was Lex's baby brother who was killed by his mother and for which Lex took the blame. Yeah, more soap opera, but Lex's response just seems at least two years out of phase with how things changed between the two of them.

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Chloe, who was reduced to cameo appearances in this episode, but still more screen time than Pete was usually granted, asked Clark, "have you recovered from Hurricane Lucy, yet?"

"Just hope she changes her ways before she gets herself hurt."

"You know it never fails," Chloe said, hijacking the conversation to her latest favorite subject. "Keeping secrets always leads to trouble. I don't know which is more difficult, being the one keeping the secret, or the one being duped."

Clark re-hijacked the conversation. "Have you talked to Lois? She's been holed up in her room all day. She took it all pretty hard."

"Well, as long as I can remember, all Lois has ever wanted was to protect her little sister."

"I guess no matter how bad you want to, you can't save everyone."

Chloe then re-re-hijacked the conversation. "But it doesn't stop you from trying, does it, Clark?" Chloe exited leaving a befuddled Clark behind. I slmost expected a mocking saxaphone.

Then we cut back to Luthor mansion where Lionel informed Lex about his grilling at the hands of Jason Teague. "He accused me of taking something that didn't belong to me."

"Well, it wouldn't be the first time."

"Be that as it may, the accusation was false, but given what's missing, I almost wish I were guilty."

"What was it?"

"You know the answer to that, Lex, you're the one who took it from him."

"Dad, if you want to play games, there's a deck of cards in the ..."

"All right, Lex, let's talk about games. You hire someone to travel to China to search for an ancient artifact. He finds it, but steals it and keeps it for himself. Then you steal it back from him. You've turned hot potato into an art form, son."

Lex was dumbfounded (no comment). "Jason Teague found the stone?"

Lionel read Lex's stunned expression for a moment. "You are either the best con-man in the world, or you are truly, unbelievably naive." I'm not sure exactly what Lionel is up to. He wants Lex to feel betrayed by Jason and wants Lana to feel betrayed by Jason, speaking of Lana ...

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Lana entered her apartment and then climbed out the window and leaped to her death. Was that out loud? I mean she unscrewed the cap from a pipe and removed the missing stone.

Now, if this is Lana operating under her own mind and not Isobel's, then she is a complete and utter hypocrite. The girl who decried secrets and lies over and over and over again deliberately hiding something from Jason just to test him smacks of the lowest kind of duplicity. She chose to take Jason back rather than telling him to go after he lied to her about being in Metropolis. Once she took him back, it should have been a show of faith, not an excuse to test his sincerity.

On the other hand, if it's Isobel, then the witch has gotten smarter about using Lana. Either that or she's a Jedi and knows the Force has a strong influence on the weak-minded.

If Isobel can now take over Lana whenever she feels like it and has learned something about not hamming it up when possessing Lana, then she could be a more effective adversary. She'll have no problem using Clark's lovesick chump side to get access to the other stone.

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Clark found Lois handling his telescope (smack me). "I thought you said telescopes were only for geeks and stalkers."

"Yeah, well, as was proven over the last few days, I can seriously misjudge people," Lois replied. "If you've come to kick me off the farm, I can totally understand."

"Actually, I've come to tell you we have food in the oven if you're hungry." The use of the word 'food' instead of 'dinner' was as impersonal a choice as the uses of 'sibling' instead of 'brother' or 'sister' when talking to Lex.

"Thanks."

Clark smiled. "How ya holding up?"

"I just got off the phone with the General."

"Oh, that's all the screaming I heard from the house."

Lois smiled. "Apparently he's very disappointed in me for letting this happen and as far as the family chain of command goes, I am the weakest link."

"I'm sorry," Clark said and actually sounded like he meant it.

"Don't be. There's something cathartic about telling a three star general to go to hell," Lois said and turned away. "You know all these years I thought I had my sister pegged, but in reality, she's a complete stranger to me."

"Even if that were true, if she called tomorrow, you'd be there in a second to help her."

Lois thought a moment. "Yeah, I would. She's my sister."

Clark stepped in closer. "I don't think Lucy's all that bad."

"You're amazing, Smallville. You always look for the best in people even when they walk all over you."

"I guess that explains why we're friends."

Lois looked suspicious, but amused. "Oh, we're friends now?"

"Well, I won't tell anyone if you don't."

Lois nodded, smacked Clark in the arm and left the loft. Clark looked after her with a touch of admiration and then looked into the telescope just as two objects collided creating a bright flash of light. If that wasn't a big enough metaphor, they made sure the song lyric "now it all begins" coincided with the collision.

Okay, so now we have a genuine friendship between Clark and Lois and he saw her vulnerable side and more importantly she allowed him to see it. I'm not going to build this into anything big because I'm sure the writers will default back to Lana because 1) they're in love with her 2) it's another chance to dump on Chloe and 3) they're not allowed to have anything approaching a romance between Clark and Lois.

I'll just accept this episode as an interesting and fairly insightful stand-alone episode that shows promise that likely will never be fulfilled on the series.

Zoom (reruns for a while and I get a vacation)

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